


Blue's Gun Trick

by fidiot



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Langst, Love, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Sad, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Suicide, Suicide Notes, klangst, very much langst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-04-04 12:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14020479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fidiot/pseuds/fidiot
Summary: Lance disappears, leaving a note for each of the paladins as well as Coran and Lotor. The team immediately starts a search without reading them, agreeing that the letters won't be touched until Lance is found, either way.This is not what they wanted to happen.**written inspired by Bishop's Knife Trick by Fall Out Boy**





	1. The Last Blues

**Author's Note:**

> Some clarifications: Keith is back from the Blade, but doesn't know about his mother. The real Shiro is back as well but we don't talk about Kuron. I'm sorry it's like this, but it just works with the story.

Done. Lance was officially done with the essential preparations. He quietly thanked the mice, giving them a few pieces of bread to bribe them into keeping quiet from Allura. "Sorry, guys but I need you to do this for me," he whispered. Though everything essential was done, there was one more thing.

Lance sighed, knowing this was his last night in the Castle of Lions. He creeped along the hallways, trying to make no sound but still acting casual just in case anyone else was wandering. He stuffed his hands in his jacket pocket, trying to ignore the paper crumpling as his hands touched it.  
  
_There's nothing for you here. Allura can fly Blue better than I can. It's only fair I step down,_ Lance thought, trying to ease his mind.  
  
He made his way to the dining room, dropping the eight papers addressed accordingly in the paladins' plus two seats.  
  
Pidge at the corner, Keith next, skipping his own seat, then Hunk and Shiro. Allura at the head of the table, along with Coran and Lotor.  
  
Lance never really liked or talked to Lotor but still had some things to say.  
  
Having that done, Lance made his way back to his room to pack. Upon getting there, he stood in the doorway but did not enter. The Cuban boy ran his fingers through his hair as he looked at the room he'd stayed in for so long. He had made it his. But now it's just going to be an empty room much like the rest of the castle.  
  
He didn't hear the figure behind him.  
  
"Lance?"  
  
Lance jumped, biting his lip in effort not to scream. If he had his bayard, he would've already turned and shot the person. He whipped his head around, only to relax when he saw Keith.  
  
"Oh, it's just you. Keith, hey man, don't sneak up on me like that," Lance laughed nervously, but kept his voice to a whisper. He hid his blush when he realized they were the only two awake. Lance dreamed of this happening, only with very different circumstances.  
  
"What're you doing up this late?"  
  
"I could ask the same, Kogane."  
  
"I heard footsteps, presumably your's. Light sleeper," Keith explained, leaning on the wall opposite of Lance. "So I'll ask again, why are you up?"  
  
Lance smiled a tiny bit when he saw the worry on Keith’s face. It'd be something he'll miss. "Was hungry so I grabbed a snack," Lance knew he would hate himself for lying, but he had to do this.  
  
"And you're standing outside your room because…?"  
  
"Eh, wasn't ready to clock out but didn't want to take a walk." Lance really needed to get Keith off his back, if he wanted to do this tonight. He knew if he kissed Keith with all he had like his heart was telling him to, he’d never do it.  
  
"Get some sleep, Lance. Turns out it’s good for you," Keith decided that Lance was in the clear and walked back to his room. Lance sighed in relief as Keith disappeared as the door closed.  
  
Time to get to work.  
  
Lance quietly tiptoed back down the hall, passing everyone else's rooms, careful not to make a single sound. He headed back to where he was before, having to put one more entry in. As he did, he thought about the other paladins.  
  
Shiro was Lance's hero. He'd never forget the first time meeting him, or rather rescuing him from the Garrison. But now that Lance knows Shiro in person, he sees the Black Paladin as his second father.  
  
Pidge was always fun to hang around, even if she is a smartass half the time. Lance would miss her tangents about tech from other worlds. He would never forget how shocked he was when Pidge told them she was a girl.  
  
Hunk would always be there for Lance, through thick or thin even in middle school. Hunk would be the person to bake cookies for you just because you frowned that day. Lance would never forget his heart-warming kindness nor his bear hugs.  
  
Allura, beautiful as she is, is not for Lance. She had become like a sister to Lance, always asking questions but knows when to be serious. Lance was glad that Blue chose Allura. She deserves it.  
  
Coran was like the cool but wacky uncle and Lotor was like the boyfriend that the Dad of the family doesn't like.  
  
Then there was Keith. Back in his freshman year at the Garrison, Lance and the mullet head shared all but one class together. That was when Lance started a crush on Kogane but he acted like he hated him. They were rivals, how could he possibly have a crush on him? Now almost four years later, they're stuck in space with no escape. No escape from Lance's feelings.

He shook his head from all the emotions, heading to the training deck. Ever since he found a new trick with his bayard, he'd been planning for weeks how to go out. Lance climbed to his normal sniper ledge, looked down at his hand skeptically before activating his bayard. The sniper rifle.

He lined his shot up perfectly, seemingly shooting blindly at the wall. But he knew a trick.

Lance then squeezed the trigger, heard three ricochets, and then he didn't know anything.

* * *

The rest of the Castle was silent as Pidge made her way down to the dining room for some early breakfast. She rubbed her eyes when she saw the papers on the table, addressed to everyone else. There was no note by Lance's seat.

She didn't look close enough for see the small _From Lance_ under each **_To_ ** _._

Pidge felt the cold crawl up into her throat, the same feeling she had when she found out that her dad and Matt went missing. _Not again, please._

She immediately sprinted back to the hall with everyone's rooms in it. Before telling Shiro, she'll check Lance's room first, just in case it was a misunderstanding on her part.

Pidge was horrified to see that Lance wasn't in his room. He always is sleeping at this time. She backed out of the room, and practically broke down Shiro's bedroom door.

“Shiro, I woke early and I was going to get some breakfast and I noticed notes on the table in every spot but Lance's and I checked his room and-”

“Pidge! Slow down,” Shiro grumbled sleepily, sitting up and flicking on the lamp. “What happened again?”

“I woke up early, and upon entering the dining room, I noticed folded up papers at every spot at the table, except at Lance's. I checked his room, and he isn't in there,” Pidge breathed, “I had the same feeling I had when…”

“When we disappeared on the Kerberos mission?” Shiro finished. Pidge nodded and ran into Shiro's arms. “Lance is probably just pulling our legs. We'll find him, I promise.” Shiro rubbed the small paladin’s head, giving her the comfort she wanted.

“Right, I’m worrying too much.”

“If Lance doesn’t show up at breakfast, we’ll go look for him.”

Lance didn’t show up at breakfast. Pidge nervously eyed the papers, from the doorway, not daring to step foot inside. Shiro was seated, subconsciously fingering the edge of the letter addressed to him. Only he had seen the small _From Lance_ under the bold **_To Shiro._**

Allura, Coran, Lotor, and Hunk had shown up by now, but hadn’t noticed the papers. Keith sauntered in, immediately noticing the folded up papers on the table. “What’s that?” He nodded to it, but knew something was wrong, terribly wrong.

Shiro took a breath as everyone’s eyes turned on him. “Notes.”

“From whom?” Allura questioned, picking up her’s but not opening it. She looked at the small text under her name. “Lance left these? Why? And where is he?”

Pidge’s head shot up, she hadn’t noticed the small text. “Shiro,” she breathed. The Black Paladin nodded, standing up immediately.

“Search the entire castle for Lance, none of us will open any of the letters until we find him.”

“Agreed. I--” Keith stopped himself before he could say anymore. One, he didn't want to show his emotions. Two, he had an idea of where Lance could be.

“Shiro and I will check the lounge and training deck. Pidge and Hunk, go check Blue’s hangar. Coran, go check his room again. Allura and Lotor, can you go check the rest of the castle?” Keith still felt weird with the Galra prince on board and was not going to let him wander around alone. “If nobody finds him, then meet back here in half a varga.”

Everyone nodded and started off in their given directions.

Shiro and Keith half ran to the lounge to search. “You know, or at least have a good idea of where he is, don't you Keith?”

Keith sighed. Shiro knew he liked Lance very much. Multiple times has Keith barged in on Shiro, only to flop down and express something he hasn't felt in a long time. Love.

Those hopes were all but crushed when he entered the dining room that morning. Keith had noticed Pidge and Shiro on edge and everyone else was fairly quiet.

“He's been on the training deck more than he's been with us lately, which is unlike him,” Keith and Shiro both knew what probably happened, they just didn't want to believe it. They couldn't believe it.

Shiro nodded, “I noticed that too.”

“And last night… Oh god.” Keith tore his attention from the ground to look at the senior officer in horror. “I saw Lance last night, or rather this morning. He has said he was hungry so he got up to get a snack but that was probably when he put the letters on the table.”

“Keith,” Shiro set his hands on his shoulders, trying to calm him. “Did you see Lance enter his room?”

“...No.”

Keith tore off Shiro, running towards the training deck. He knew it was too late but the red teen couldn't handle the fact. Something Lance had told him weeks ago rang in his mind.

_“Bet your bayard can't kill someone after ricocheting five times.”_

Keith had brushed it off as a joke, because how could a sword ricochet? It didn't click until now, Lance had unlocked a trick in his bayard that none of them knew about other than Keith.

Ricochet blasts.

 _"Blue is still in her hangar, and all pods are accounted for. He's still in the Castle."_ Keith heard Pidge say through the coms.

Keith skidded to a stop in the middle of the training deck, immediately looking up towards Lance's favorite sniper spot. He didn't care if Shiro followed him or not.

_"This is Coran, Lance isn't in his room either."_

His heart fell when he saw a slim, tanned hand hanging over the edge.

_"Lotor and I haven't found him, and we've searched half the castle."_

Lance.

"No, no, no, no..." He muttered, quickly scaling the ladder leading up to the ledge. "Please say you're just sleeping..."

Keith scrambled onto the small platform, and picked up the Blue Paladin. His fingers subconsciously went to Lance's wrist, and prayed for anything but knew he would find nothing when he turned Lance's head.

What looked like a burn mark, dead center on his left temple. Not a burn mark, a blaster shot.

Keith looked down at Shiro, who had seen Lance but didn't make a move to climb the ladder. He shook his head, telling Shiro what he already knew.

"Guys," Shiro said over the coms, making sure everyone could hear, "We found Lance but it's… not good."

"Is he injured? Coran, get a healing pod ready--"

"Won't be needed, Princess," Keith spoke slowly, choosing his words very carefully. "Everyone just get to the training deck. And would someone stop by the dining room to grab the letters?"

And with that sentence, everyone knew what had happened.

Lance was dead, killed by his own hand.

Within doboshes, the paladins adding Lotor and Coran, were huddled in the middle of the training deck, craning their necks to see up onto the ledge. Hunk had picked up the letters and was clutching them like he was promised if he held them hard enough, it's bring Lance back.

Keith cradled Lance's body silent tears flowing down his pale face. It just sunk in that he'd never get to see the ocean blue eyes he could get lost in for hours ever again. That he'd never see Lance's pearly white smile that lit up the entire room. He'd never get to hear the flirtatious but endearing voice that annoyed Keith to no ends.

Worst of all, he'd never get the chance to kiss Lance's soft lips. He'd never get to tell Lance how he felt and Keith would never see Lance's reaction.

“Keith…” Shiro said gently, “We all have to say goodbye.”

Keith nodded and put his arms under Lance’s knees and back, bridal-style carrying him. He carefully maneuvered down the ladder, Shiro supporting his back when he was low enough. Shiro tried to take Lance’s body from the half Galra, who shook his head.

“I can’t let go…” Keith breathed, tears still flowing down his cheeks. It was at this point that the team realized just how much Lance meant to Keith.

"You just need time..." Shiro set a hand on Keith's shoulder, "I think we all do."

"I never got to tell him, Shiro. I never told him..." Keith buried his head in Lance's hair, trying to ignore the low temperature of his body.

Trying to ignore he was dead.

Shiro shook his head at Keith, signalling to the others to leave Lance and Keith alone for a few minutes, before walking out, rubbing his eyes.

“Lance… why did you leave? Why now? Why didn’t you say anything earlier? I could’ve-” Keith stopped as he realized, “I could’ve helped you.”

Keith suddenly felt very small on the large training deck.

“This is all my fault.”

*  *  *

Pidge sat in her room, staring at the paper in her hands. For once, she was comforted by the old-fashioned gesture, instead of the normal screen in her hands. Anything on screens could be shared. She was grateful to Lance for not letting this to be able to be shared except for actual eyes, but still upset that he left. 

*  *  *

Hunk stared at the letter out of the corner of his eye, while stirring the brownie mix he found at the space mall. He was going to save it for Lance’s birthday, seeing as they were his favorite, but today seemed like a good day to make them. He set the timer on the oven for the correct time after putting the brownies in and walked to his room to read the letter. 

*  *  *

Shiro sat on his bed, cursing himself for letting this happen. How could he not notice Lance getting worse? Worst of all, how did he not stop it? He knew that Lance was getting desperate now that both he and Keith were back, taking back their original lions upon insistence of Lance. He'd been spending most of his time on the training deck, staying behind on diplomacy missions, but generally being nicer than ever. Shiro had asked him about this, but only got "To make up for lost time" for an answer. Then, Shiro had thought it meant the time he was MIA and Keith with the Blade, but now it all made sense. 

*  *  *

Allura didn't understand most Earth concepts, but she definitely understood death. Now, death by one's own hand on purpose was new to her but her curiosity didn't stop her from grieving. Lance had been the biggest help when she started piloting the Blue Lion. Even though she was probably farther in the bond than Lance ever was, she still felt she needed the Cuban for advice. Unfortunately, that would never happen again.

*  *  *

Coran sat in the engineering room, glancing nervously at the letter on the desk. He was somewhat surprised that he was actually left a letter from Lance. They'd never been best of friends, but they each saved each other's life more than once. 

*  *  *

Lotor read through his letter from the Blue paladin. He was internally shocked he was left one, but as he read it, he understood why. He'd wait until dinner, when all the other paladins were gathered. He hoped they'd be somewhat calm, but with what Lance had told him, they wouldn't be for long.

*  *  *

Keith locked himself in his room, not caring that Lance wouldn't have wanted him to. It was his way of grieving. If he didn't do this, he'd lash out like he did to Iverson. The first disappearance of Shiro got him kicked out of the Garrison. He wanted to stay curled up in his room forever, but he knew there were better things to do. 

*  *  *

Lance smiled from where he stood, unalive but still standing. If he knew his friends, everything would work out fine in the end.


	2. Places We Never Should've Left

_Dear Pidge,_

_I guess this is goodbye. I’m sorry I never got to tell you you were like my little sister. You reminded me so much of Veronica, it almost hurt. You never got to meet my family, I wish you would’ve. I got to meet Matt and your father, and he took the video for my family back. I wish I would’ve told him that it was my suicide note to my parents._

_Maybe it didn’t hurt them, maybe it did. I was already dead in their eyes, disappearing from the Garrison, not even trying to contact them until the dead scientist of the failed Kerberos mission came back with a video of their son, telling them he didn’t belong in space. Telling them he was going to kill himself within the year._ _I thought so much about going home but I knew we never could._

_Even though I couldn't understand all your science-y talk, I loved hanging around you. My favorite memories were all the team Mario Kart battles you and I would win against Shiro and Hunk until they demanded we switch up the teams. Keith, Coran, and Allura would all be sitting on the couch, wondering what the hell is going on. Now that I'm gone, teach Keith how to play video games for me so the teams aren't uneven._

_You reminded me of my family most, which I'm happy for. It's relaxing to be in your presence, even if I annoy you while you're working._ _Well, I guess you don't have to worry about that anymore._

_Goodbye Katie "Pidge" Holt. I will forever hold you in my heart next to my own siblings._

_Love,_

_Lance McClain_

 

"No, no, no, this can't be it!" Pidge muttered to herself, frantically scanning the paper for more but found none.

Her heart sank. She wouldn't be bothered when she was working anymore. The others had learned that she didn't like to be disturbed, but not Lance. He bothered the hell out of her whether she liked it or not.

Over time though, she had grown to love Lance for his intrusions. One time, she hadn't eaten or slept for two days while searching for Matt and her dad, and Lance had come in, picked her up bridal-style and took her to her bedroom, where a bowl of homemade macaroni and cheese waited. It had tasted so good, she had thought Hunk couldn't top it. 

Lance was the person who always made sure you were taking care of yourself, and if you weren't? He'll do it for you.

Pidge could see why Lance viewed her as his little sister, but it wasn't until now that she realized she thought of Lance as her older brother as well. It wasn't the same as Matt, but close.

She curled up in a ball, praying that this was just a huge nightmare and she'll wake up to see Lance perfectly fine. She didn't try to stop the tears as they flowed down her face.

"No, this can't be real. It can't be." She whispered to herself but knew it wasn't  true.

She had seen Lance's body. She almost screamed upon seeing the self harm scars on his arms and legs. And were angled to actually kill him not just beg for attention.

The scars on his arms told his story, covered by his jacket or armor. Not to mention the blast mark on the side of his head, perfectly aimed to ricochet. Under normal circumstances, the green paladin would've admired the use of angles but Lance was dead.

Lance McClain moved on from the universe.

It broke Pidge's heart to say it, but she had to accept the fact that Lance is gone.

Not only was he gone, it was by his own hand. Lance knew what was doing. It was clear by the letters than he knew what impact he'd make but he felt he needed to anyway.

Pidge glanced up through the tears at the framed pictures on her desk. Her eyes focused on a picture of Lance, Shiro, Hunk, Keith and herself on a beach of a liberated ocean planet after a mission. Lance was grinning widely, probably laughing at a dad joke Shiro told or something of the sort.

 _Doesn't compare to Varadero, but it's pretty damn close._ Lance had told her, talking about the beach.

If only he could see her now.


	3. Sifting Through Sand

_Dear Hunk,_

_Do you remember my mom’s hugs? Or the way she always made hot cocoa with the “secret ingredient” but Mom would never tell you what it was, and swore me to secrecy? Whenever you made cookies on cold nights in the castle, you’d wake me up and ask to make the famous McClain hot cocoa. Now, that I’ll never be able to make that for you again, the secret ingredient is the tiniest bit of chili powder. Gives the chocolate a small kick and brings it out more._

_Ever since middle school, you’ve had my back. You knew about my depression and internal anxiety and still kept with me. We got into the Garrison together, and you followed me when we followed Pidge the night before we found Blue for the first time. You had said it was a bad idea. Sorry to say buddy, but you were never more wrong at any point in your life. To be completely honest, I had planned to kill myself a week after that day. If you had convinced me then to stay in the dorms, we never would’ve learned about Voltron from Pidge, saved Shiro with Keith, and lead to the Blue Lion.  If you had convinced me then to stay in the dorms, I wouldn’t have been there the next week._

_So I guess what I’m saying is, thank you. Thank you for sticking by me throughout all these years, never giving up on me. As an extra goodbye gift, look in the bottom drawer (combination code is 5294) of my desk in my room, there’s a silver key in a paperclip box. Use that to open the safe in the corner of the top shelf in my closet. Complicated, I know, but trust me, it’s worth it. If you ever open a restaurant, name your best dish after me._

_And if you do ever go home, I would like you to tell my family that I'm gone. You are the only one who knows my family and they'd believe you over myself. I sent a video home with Sam, telling them I would kill myself within the year. They won't listen to Pidge, Allura or even Shiro. They'll listen to you. Tell them I don't want them to grieve. Tell them to pop a beer on Varadero Beach or play Mario Kart or something. Send my body back to the Caribbean, where I grew up._

_Goodbye Hunk Garrett. I will forever hold you in my heart as my best friend, reminding me of my mother every second I look at you._

_Love,_

_Lance McClain_

 

Hunk’s chocolate eyes were filled to the brim with tears. His best friend had only told him family secrets and given him a gift clearly important because he was dead. First the hot cocoa then whatever was in the safe.

He would never forgive Lance for leaving, but Hunk didn't think any of the others would either. Indeed, Hunk had known about Lance’s depression and anxiety, something he never shared with any of the others, as far as he knew. Hunk never thought it would go this far.

_Lance, if I ever open a restaurant, I’m naming the whole thing after you._ Hunk smiled at the thought, but continued to cry.

He wiped at his eyes as he climbed to his feet. Hunk stumbled out of his room, trying to keep upright when all he wanted to do was fall down and cry.

Lance's room was next to his own so it was normally easy to get from his to Lance's. Today, it felt like a mile.

Hunk glanced down at the paper again. He approached Lance's desk, not daring to look at anything but the floor.

As he tried to open the bottom drawer, a popup appeared, demanding a code. Hunk punched in _5294_ and the drawer popped open. Hunk rummaged around the drawer, finding hard copies of his family pictures, and the small paperclip box.

Hunk stood up and pushed the drawer closed with his foot, opening the box. As promised, a small silver key was placed there.

As he looked closer, he realized the key had engravings on it.

_Good luck at the Garrison, Lance!! Love Luis, Marco, and Veronica._

Hunk smiled as he remembered Lance's siblings, then let the smile fall as he remembered Lance's request of him. He had to tell Luis, Marco, Veronica, Lance's parents, and grandparents that Lance was dead.

He sighed as he opened Lance’s closet door, reaching up to the top shelf. He knew Lance had a safe in his room, he just never knew what was in it. He took the safe down from the shelf, ignoring the familiar scent radiating off Lance’s clothes. Like Varadero Beach.

Hunk inserted the silver key, turning it slowly, unsure if he wanted to see the contents. He was greeted by many, many papers.

The top one was clear in writing.

 

_Hunk, if this is you reading this,_ _it means I’m gone. I’m sorry it was this way but this entire safe is for you. Love, Lance._

 

Hunk felt his eyes fill again, so he moved the paper off the top, revealing the rest of the contents. His chocolate brown eyes widened at what they saw. There were many pictures of Lance’s family and under all that was a neat, stapled, thick packet sat at the bottom of the safe. It was labelled in Lance’s mother’s handwriting, McClain Family Recipes. Hunk couldn’t believe it, carefully flipping through the pages. Lance’s famous Mac & Cheese was in the book, as was his mother’s hot cocoa, and his aunt’s _pan de bono_.

Whether he liked it or not, Hunk was an honorary McClain.

He just wished his brother was back.


	4. Pieces of Broken Hourglass

_Dear Allura,_

_Trust me when I say these aren’t the terms I wanted to leave on. I wouldn’t have left if there was no one else to pilot Blue, but there is. You will pilot the Blue Lion. Shiro has Black and Keith has Red. I can’t take Blue back from you, not when you’ve gotten so much farther than me. I’ve already said my goodbyes to Blue and Red. My time with Voltron ran out. Time ran out._

_You probably don’t understand what I did. Suicide is an act or instance of taking one’s life. I did it so I wouldn’t have to live. I can’t say I did it for the good of the team, because you’re probably all in tears. You have every right to be angry at me for leaving, because it was my choice. It’s natural to be upset._

_Sorry I flirted with you a bunch of times. That’s not actually what I think of you, it’s just a thing my culture does so I try to make myself comfortable. You’ve become like my older sister, or my younger, depending on the situation. We grew up under very different conditions, but we both grew up with mothers and fathers who loved us very much, and suddenly, they disappeared from our lives when we needed them most. We’re more alike than we let on._

_Thank you Allura, daughter of Alfor. You were a sister to me._

_Love,_   
_Lance McClain_

 

Allura hadn’t cried since she let her father go. But Lance meant just as much to her as Alfor did. So here she was, crying, alone once more.

Why would someone take their own life for no reason?

Allura never thought she’d cry over the Blue paladin. But it was a piece of the team missing. So here she was, crying, shattered again.

Who would give her advice on how to pilot the Blue lion now?

Allura would wipe away the tears and get up like nothing happened. But something did happen, something horrible. So here she was, crying, confused by Earthlings again.

Why would Lance do that?

Why would anyone try to do that?

How bad must their life be to get that low?

Allura had so many questions. But nobody came to answer them. So here she was, crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short. The next one will be longer, I promise.


	5. Spiritual Revolt

_Shiro,_

_Forgive yourself. It isn’t your fault for not noticing. I tried really hard not to be noticed, but my presence isn’t all that quiet. It’s no surprise you were like a dad to all of us, even if it was only a few years’ difference. It’s hard to get over the fact that you didn’t notice the signs, but you can do it._

_God, I don’t really know what to say to you. You went from my hero to a father figure in about three weeks. You disappeared multiple times but you came back every time. Too bad I can’t do the same._

_Look out for the team for me. I know -knew- that you already do but now they need it more than ever. Especially Keith, he tends to grieve in a way that the team can’t really control. Cheer on Allura in Blue as much as possible, don’t let Pidge stay up after midnight, and make sure Hunk is eating normally (why would he not is a good question and the answer contains a very long story)._

_Thanks for everything Takashi. It meant a lot._

_Love,_

_Lance McClain_

 

Shiro was speechless.

He had no idea Lance thought that way… 

And Shiro had heard about Keith's greving process but never seen it in person, mainly due to the fact that it was always him disappearing was always the cause.

Until now.

Shiro felt a twang of panic, thinking about what Keith is doing right now.

Normally, he'd be on the training deck but since Lance…

That room was off limits for a while.


	6. Can't Seem to Get A Grip

_Keith,_

_Neither of us ever got to say how much we actually meant to each other. That is my biggest regret in my shitty life, followed by leaving Earth. I'd like to think that you liked me, at least a little bit. But I really don’t know. I guess I’ll never know._

_Blue is like the mother of the five lions, caring and nurturing. She probably takes care of me more than I take care of her. Allura never got to say it on the first day we met her and Coran, but one of the main attributes of the Blue Lion is basically locked potential. If Blue chooses you, she knows you’re destined for greatness but you don’t know it yet. She helps you unlock what you’re capable of, especially when going through a rough time. That’s why Blue eventually chose Allura. Being turned down by Black_ **_and_ ** _Red really put her in the same tough spot as I was. Blue sensed I was ready to move on, so she shut me out and Red somewhat adopted me, knowing that Blue had done her job well._

_Once Shiro got back finally, he took back Black, and you left with the Blade, I was stuck as Shiro’s right hand man. Thing is, Shiro never listened to my suggestions. He only listened to you as his right hand man. But for a while, when it was you in Black and me in Red, it wasn’t first or second in command, it was equal teamwork from the two of us. After Thayserix, you  always listened to me when I had a suggestion and convinced me to stay when Shiro would get back. I only wish I could have convinced you to stay when you told us you were leaving for the Blade of Marmora. I had offered to step down but you didn’t let me. I guess this is my permanent step down. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay._

_Don’t shut yourself down for me like you did when Shiro was gone. You make horrible decisions when you do that. Promise me you’ll talk to someone. Hell, you can talk to me, even if I’m not there physically. I’m a space ghost, hugging you right now as you read this. I’m kissing your lips, your stupidly soft mullet, your forehead, your cheeks, your neck and everywhere I couldn’t before._

_Everytime you feel low, remember that I'm right there with you because I can never leave again. Know that I love you Keith. I will see you soon._

_Forever with love,_

_Lance McClain_

 

Keith dropped the letter in shock.  He didn’t know what he was expecting, but it was not that. He had so many questions.

Is that really an attribute of the Blue Lion? Was the period of time where Lance piloted Red really like that? Was he really Lance’s second biggest regret?

Lance... loved him?

Keith, being Keith, should’ve freaked out with the space ghost part, but for some reason, he was comforted by the gesture and he had laughed a little when he read it.

The small outburst didn’t cover the misery though. Keith missed Lance. He missed the teasing, as he now recognized as flirting. He missed the ocean-blue eyes and the faint freckles splattered across the Cuban’s tan face. He missed that Lance would sometimes slip into his native language of Spanish when he was stressed or angry, not knowing that anyone could understand him.

Keith grew up in the southwest, so he learned Spanish fairly early. He had a suspicion that Pidge spoke Spanish too, along with multiple different languages. Lance never knew this though.

Keith didn’t want to let go of Lance. Not yet.


End file.
